p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize