you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
