yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
