i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
