he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
