Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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