i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We are all done wearing pants today
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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