Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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