she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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