i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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