1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
