I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
