you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
