please come you make the beer taste better
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
