after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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