You can't special order awesome
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize