Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
