How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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