I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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