I bet he comes in French.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
