Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
