as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
