i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
