Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
