the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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