I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
