im about as happy as oj after his trial
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
