Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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