I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
