Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
