Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Damn victory sex feels great
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
