kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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