my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
