dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
