All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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