found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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