Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
