My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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