could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
