Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The ass gains better be worth it
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