My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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