her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
