lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
