So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
