i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
