I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
