All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
