He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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