That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
