Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
