I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
