Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
