mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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