I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Mom said you looked used
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
