ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
