I think i peed on brittanys purse
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
