I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
