i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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