I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
