Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
