It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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