Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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