I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize