I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
