Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
