i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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