So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
